i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
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Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
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I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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