I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
