He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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