birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
