I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
