It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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