JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
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You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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