I'm eating all of the evidence.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
