I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
