You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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