well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Terrible idea I love it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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