i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
