Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
tell me about the eggs
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
