He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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