dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
