If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
