we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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