I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
