i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
