bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
