Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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