College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
