Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
