btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
