Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
