would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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