you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
