Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
