Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the day after is always just damage control
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
