i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
