My hand turned me down
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
