Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
