If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
