I am puke
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
