He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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