so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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