my phone needs a breathalizer
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
