He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
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should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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