Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
