I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
