I need help removing her.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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