i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
