He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
