you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
