if you like me you must not know who I am
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
