I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
