how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
