she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
