I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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