I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
In other news, I just burned my penis
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
