I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Couch. On fire.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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