i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
