Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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