I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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