My cat gives me a boner
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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