Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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