Define "chronic" masturbator.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
