The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
