My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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