So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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