I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
