There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
