i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
