i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
