All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Randomize
