In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
