i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
