you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
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I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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